Learning How to Score

Here's an idea.

A friend of mine recently left her boyfriend of 7 years. She moved out and packed her bags after realizing he wasn't going to marry her and had been emotionally stonewalling her for awhile. She still has some of her business in his house so she sees him regularly and he cooks her supper and continues to act as if they are together. As a way to coach him into learning about how you invest in a relationship and how people damage relationships, as advised by her counselor, she started talking to him about a point system.

In this point system either individual can gain a point for investing in the relationship - like making supper, listening intently, saying something kind, doing something selfless ect. Also, either individual can lose 3 points for damaging the relationship (since damaging things can be far more hurtful to a relationship) this could be for not listening, critical...really anything that is hurtful.

In this instance this fellow is a sports minded accountant so the point system works in a way that could motivate him by using a frame of reference he already understands.

I'm complete aware that relationships are not about "keeping score" but I think this idea has some merit for myself. I have learned that I can give unconditionally and settle for very little reciprocation and that when something happens that is hurtful I tend to forget about it. This point system could allow me to continue to forgive and forget but still acknowledge the damage occurred and acknowledge that it can be overcome with relationship investments.

We'll see how it goes.

rage and its many facets

the thing about rage is i dont know what to do with it.

someone says something simple, with all the pleasantries like Please and thank you and all the snide, belittling, condescending pretention that sets my blood on edge

and the feeling of anger starts the rise and yet I am totally devoid of the ability to understand why i am angry, i doubt whether that was the persons original intent,

i seethe, i fume, i breathe. I wonder when my sharp snap will be beyond my control

thank goodness its christmas and there are so many treats....i just saddle up to the trough